Solution Building via Rapport
当你与客户共同创建解决方案时，你开发了一种独特的对话方式 – 以交互式解决方案为重点的对话。我们称之为「教练」。要真正专注于解决方案，你必须采用一种独特的思维方式。由于你不是顾问或教师，所以你的职责不是找出解决方案并将其交给客户。相反，你的工作要困难得多。这是前提2所建议的：解决方案最好是在客户感到安全、信任和有价值的时候构建。
亲和关系是首要的也是最重要，还有一个原因。亲和关系使客户能够与你合作。对于这一点，从你开始。你从与客户合作开始 – 匹配身体、匹配词语、匹配信念、理解等等。你确认、你认可、你赞美。透过所有这些方式，你传达了你支持客户的信息。然后，出于安全和信任的氛围，客户允许自己与你合作。
这不是有趣的吗？客户来找你，想要你的帮助、付你钱、投入时间和精力，然后有所保留。有些人还会积极抵抗！究竟为什么会有人那样做呢？通常是因为没有足够的亲和关系，对方在试探你，看你是否真的在为他着想。有时候，抗拒是一个人在这个世界上的运作方式 – 他的处事模式。他错配。这只是他的思维方式。有时，一个人在性情的意志坚强，不知道如何顺从。
Solution Building via Rapport
When you co-create solutions with your client, you develop an unique way of conversing— an interactive solution focused dialogue. We call that conversation— “coaching.” To be truly solution focused in your coaching, you have to adopt an unique way of thinking. Since you are not a consultant or a teacher, it is not your role to figure out the solution and hand it to your client. Instead you have a much tougher job. This is what premise #2 suggests: Solutions are best built when the client feels safe, trusted, and valued.
The challenge is to co-create with your client. And to do that, you have to gain rapport, facilitate your client’s inner powers, and enable your client to work together with you collaboratively. Once you do that you have to enter into that person’s matrix— so that you can discover how that person thinks, values, filters (meta-programs), and changes. After all, you are not the one who needs the solution. And you are not the one who will be applying the solution. So if the solution will work for that person, it has to fit for that person and her situation. It is for this reason that the solution will be uniquely customized so that it makes sense (meaningful) and fits your client’s context.
Rapport is first and foremost for yet another reason. Rapport enables the client to cooperate with you. For this, you go first. You start by cooperating with your client— matching physiology, matching words, matching beliefs, understandings, etc. You acknowledge, your validate, you compliment. In all of these ways, you communicate that you are there for your client. Then, out of that safety and atmosphere of trust, the client allows himself to cooperate with you.
Isn’t that funny? A client comes to you, wants your help, pays you money, invests time and energy and then holds back. Some will actively resist! Why in the world would someone do that? Usually it’s because there’s not enough rapport and the person is testing you to see if you are really there on his behalf or not. Sometimes the resistance is the person’s way of operating in the world— her meta-program. She mismatches. It’s just his way of thinking. Sometimes the person is strongwill in temperament and does not know how to be compliant.
Whatever the reason— the push-and-tug, the back-and-forth between coach and client (what is labeled as “resistance”) prevents a mutual collaborative co-creating of solutions. In these instances, you ask questions and the client doesn’t answer them. Sometimes the client may distract you to problems and complaints. Sometimes the client may distract to wishes, hopes, desires, but not goals.
Meta-Coach: What is your goal?
Client: I am so sick of procrastinating. I just feel like I’m wasting my life. Sometimes I get depressed and sometimes I get so angry … I don’t know what to do.
MC: So what would you like to change about that?
C: My wife is also on my case about procrastinating. And I want to do better, I do. But after I make a resolution, things don’t get better.
MC: When we finish the coaching, how would you like to be acting instead of procrastination?
In all of these responses, the client is actually cooperating. The problem is that he is not cooperating in the way we typically want cooperation and not in a way that seems like cooperating. It may even seem like resisting or distracting. Yet framing it as “resistance” is not productive and actually makes your work harder. Instead assume that this is his way of cooperating. When you do then you’ll discover that he is telling you a lot about himself, how he operates, how he thinks, and the matrix he lives within. How do you take the first step with such a client to co-create a solution? Acknowledge what you hear and then give either a validation or a compliment.
Acknowledgment: What I have heard you say is that you are so sick of procrastinating. That procrastination makes you feel like you’re wasting your life. And that it sometimes leads you to get depressed and sometimes to get angry.
Compliment: I’m impressed at how aware you have become about how procrastination undermines your highest and best and how you have begin taking the first steps to deal with it.
Leading: So I’m guessing you are ready to give up procrastinating for taking effective action, is that right?
By acknowledging and complimenting in this way, you are creating rapport and building up a supportive relationship. Now your solution focused questions will be more like to invite a co-creation with your client.
Solution focused questions: When you’re not procrastinating and not wasting your life and no longer depressed or angry, what will you be doing and how will that enable you to feel?
If you’re ready to become a solution focused Meta-Coach— start with rapport, deep rapport as you enter fully into your client’s world. Accept and appreciate whatever your client brings to the session and begin to co-develop the solution.