透过亲和建立解决方案
Solution Building via Rapport
当你与客户共同创建解决方案时，你开发了一种独特的对话方式 – 以交互式解决方案为重点的对话。我们称之为「教练」。要真正专注于解决方案，你必须采用一种独特的思维方式。由于你不是顾问或教师，所以你的职责不是找出解决方案并将其交给客户。相反，你的工作要困难得多。这是前提2所建议的：解决方案最好是在客户感到安全、信任和有价值的时候构建。
挑战在于与客户共同创造。要做到这一点，你必须与客户建立亲和的关系，促进客户的内在力量，并使客户能够与你合作。一旦你这样做了，你就必须进入那个人的矩阵，这样你才能发现那个人是如何思考、如何评价、如何过滤（处事模式）、如何改变的。毕竟，你不是那个需要解决方案的人。你不是那个应用解决方案的人。因此，如果解决方案对那个人有效，它必须是适合那个人和她的情况。由于这个原因，解决方案将是独特定制的，这样它才有意义，并适合客户的上场景。
亲和关系是首要的也是最重要，还有一个原因。亲和关系使客户能够与你合作。对于这一点，从你开始。你从与客户合作开始 – 匹配身体、匹配词语、匹配信念、理解等等。你确认、你认可、你赞美。透过所有这些方式，你传达了你支持客户的信息。然后，出于安全和信任的氛围，客户允许自己与你合作。
这不是有趣的吗？客户来找你，想要你的帮助、付你钱、投入时间和精力，然后有所保留。有些人还会积极抵抗！究竟为什么会有人那样做呢？通常是因为没有足够的亲和关系，对方在试探你，看你是否真的在为他着想。有时候，抗拒是一个人在这个世界上的运作方式 – 他的处事模式。他错配。这只是他的思维方式。有时，一个人在性情的意志坚强，不知道如何顺从。
不管原因是什么，教练和客户之间的推力和拉力，来回力道（也被贴上「阻力」的标签）阻碍了一起共创解决方案。在这种情况下，你提出问题，客户却不回答。有时客户可能会转移你的注意力到问题和抱怨上。有时客户可能会将注意力转移到愿望、希望、欲望，而不是目标上。
大成教练： 你的目标是什么？
客户： 我厌倦拖延。我只是觉得我在浪费生命。有时我很沮丧，有时我很生气……我不知道该怎么办。
大成教练： 那你想对这件事做出什么改变呢？
客户： 我妻子也对我的拖延症有意见。我想做得更好，我做到了。但在我下定决心之后，事情并没有好转。
大成教练： 当我们完成教练后，你想怎样做而不是拖延？
在所有这些回应中，客户机实际上都在合作。问题是他没有以我们通常希望的方式合作，也没有以一种看似合作的方式。它甚至看起来像是抗拒或分散注意力。然而，把它框定为「抗拒」是没有效率的，反而会让你工作更困难。而是假设这是他合作的方式。当你这么做的时候，你会发现他告诉了你很多关于他自己的事情，他是如何运作的、他是如何思考的以及他生活的矩阵。你如何采取第一步与这样的客户共同创建解决方案？确认你所听到的，然后给予肯定或赞美。
确认： 我听你说你已经厌倦了拖延。这种拖延让你觉得你在浪费生命。它有时会让你沮丧，有时会让你生气。
赞美： 我很赏识你已经意识到拖延是如何破坏你最高和最好的，以及你开始采取第一步来对付它的。
带领： 所以我猜你已经准备好放弃拖延来采取有效的行动了，对吗？
透过这种方式的确认和赞美，你正在建立亲和关系，并建立起一种支持的关系。这时候，你提出解决方案取向的问题将更像是邀请与客户共同创建。
解决方案取向的问题：当你不再拖延、不再浪费生命、不再沮丧、不再愤怒时，你会做什么？做了那些，你会有什么感受？
如果你已经准备好成为一名解决方案取向的大成教练，那么就从亲和开始吧，当你完全进入客户的世界时，要保持一种深度的亲和感。接纳与欣赏客户为教练节所带来的一切，并开始共同创造解决方案。
Solution Building via Rapport
When you co-create solutions with your client, you develop an unique way of conversing— an interactive solution focused dialogue. We call that conversation— “coaching.” To be truly solution focused in your coaching, you have to adopt an unique way of thinking. Since you are not a consultant or a teacher, it is not your role to figure out the solution and hand it to your client. Instead you have a much tougher job. This is what premise #2 suggests: Solutions are best built when the client feels safe, trusted, and valued.
The challenge is to co-create with your client. And to do that, you have to gain rapport, facilitate your client’s inner powers, and enable your client to work together with you collaboratively. Once you do that you have to enter into that person’s matrix— so that you can discover how that person thinks, values, filters (meta-programs), and changes. After all, you are not the one who needs the solution. And you are not the one who will be applying the solution. So if the solution will work for that person, it has to fit for that person and her situation. It is for this reason that the solution will be uniquely customized so that it makes sense (meaningful) and fits your client’s context.
Rapport is first and foremost for yet another reason. Rapport enables the client to cooperate with you. For this, you go first. You start by cooperating with your client— matching physiology, matching words, matching beliefs, understandings, etc. You acknowledge, your validate, you compliment. In all of these ways, you communicate that you are there for your client. Then, out of that safety and atmosphere of trust, the client allows himself to cooperate with you.
Isn’t that funny? A client comes to you, wants your help, pays you money, invests time and energy and then holds back. Some will actively resist! Why in the world would someone do that? Usually it’s because there’s not enough rapport and the person is testing you to see if you are really there on his behalf or not. Sometimes the resistance is the person’s way of operating in the world— her meta-program. She mismatches. It’s just his way of thinking. Sometimes the person is strongwill in temperament and does not know how to be compliant.
Whatever the reason— the push-and-tug, the back-and-forth between coach and client (what is labeled as “resistance”) prevents a mutual collaborative co-creating of solutions. In these instances, you ask questions and the client doesn’t answer them. Sometimes the client may distract you to problems and complaints. Sometimes the client may distract to wishes, hopes, desires, but not goals.
Meta-Coach: What is your goal?
Client: I am so sick of procrastinating. I just feel like I’m wasting my life. Sometimes I get depressed and sometimes I get so angry … I don’t know what to do.
MC: So what would you like to change about that?
C: My wife is also on my case about procrastinating. And I want to do better, I do. But after I make a resolution, things don’t get better.
MC: When we finish the coaching, how would you like to be acting instead of procrastination?
In all of these responses, the client is actually cooperating. The problem is that he is not cooperating in the way we typically want cooperation and not in a way that seems like cooperating. It may even seem like resisting or distracting. Yet framing it as “resistance” is not productive and actually makes your work harder. Instead assume that this is his way of cooperating. When you do then you’ll discover that he is telling you a lot about himself, how he operates, how he thinks, and the matrix he lives within. How do you take the first step with such a client to co-create a solution? Acknowledge what you hear and then give either a validation or a compliment.
Acknowledgment: What I have heard you say is that you are so sick of procrastinating. That procrastination makes you feel like you’re wasting your life. And that it sometimes leads you to get depressed and sometimes to get angry.
Compliment: I’m impressed at how aware you have become about how procrastination undermines your highest and best and how you have begin taking the first steps to deal with it.
Leading: So I’m guessing you are ready to give up procrastinating for taking effective action, is that right?
By acknowledging and complimenting in this way, you are creating rapport and building up a supportive relationship. Now your solution focused questions will be more like to invite a co-creation with your client.
Solution focused questions: When you’re not procrastinating and not wasting your life and no longer depressed or angry, what will you be doing and how will that enable you to feel?
If you’re ready to become a solution focused Meta-Coach— start with rapport, deep rapport as you enter fully into your client’s world. Accept and appreciate whatever your client brings to the session and begin to co-develop the solution.
