Solution Building via Framing Change
标签问题尤其如此。一旦你以特定的方式给一个人贴上标签 – 他是酒鬼，她是婊子，他是精神分裂症患者，她是无情的商业领袖，等等，这个标签就蒙蔽了我们，使我们无法以任何其他方式看到这个人。随着重复，它产生了严重的限制。在这种情况下，诊断标签不仅会失去人性，还会把人置于不可改变的框架中。现在这个人真的被困住了！
想想假名词的语言 – 名词化。这些动词变成名词欺骗了我们，因为它们隐藏了行为和过程，使它们看起来稳定不变。当你听到「关系」这个词时，它听起来很坚实。然而，隐藏起来的是某人以一种特定的方式，在特定的时间与另一个人建立关系。它过度概括并造成了巨大的扭曲。
作为一个大成教练，你在做这些的同时，也在使用系统思维。你采用后退方式去得到一个更大的视角，使你能够看到改变。它给你视角。这就像离家十年后回到家乡一样 – 你可以看到很多改变，而那些一直住在那里的人几乎不会注意到这些改变。
An interesting frame that locks many clients into seemingly unsolvable problems is the assumption of stability. This is the primitive idea that the world is solid, stable, unchanging and fixed. While it is primitive, there’s numerous factors that seduce a person to think that way. Language is probably the biggest culprit. It is the nature of words and language itself that when you name something— that’s what it is to you. Afterwards it is hard to see or think about it in any other way. The fact of languaging an experience gives us a pseudo-sense of control over it.
This is especially the problem with labels. Once you label a person in a particular way— he is an alcoholic, she is a bitch, he is schizophrenic, she is a ruthless business leader, and so on. The label blinds us from being able to see the person in any other way. And with repetition, it creates a severe limitation. This is where diagnostic labels can become not only dehumanizing, but also put the person in a frame of unchangeability. Now the person is really stuck!
Consider the language of false nouns— nominalizations. These verbs turned into nouns deceive us precisely because they hide the action and the processes and freeze them so that they seem stable and unchanging. When you hear about a “relationship,” it sounds solid. Yet hidden away is that someone is relating to someone else in a particular way, at a particular time. It extremely over-generalizes and creates an immense distortion.
Yet we all talk in nominalizations and, oftentimes, the very process of clients talking in nominalizations is the problem. “With my relationship on the line, my self-esteem has suffered a lot.” Such overly abstract statements prevent us from actually knowing what’s going on, but even worse, we infer an unchanging world. “The realization that my career has reached a stalemate makes my depression worse.”
Implied is the idea that some things are unchangeable. Yet actually, change is an ongoing process. Change is inevitable. Stability is the illusion. Everything is constantly changing because we live in a process universe where at the sub-atomic level, everything is energy. This underscores solution premise #9, Solutions can be built by framing change as an ongoing, inevitable process.
Therefore, to be a solution focused Meta-Coach, ask about change, expect change, look for change, and highlight changes. While this can be challenging with some clients, patience and persistence along with change expectation questions will eventually help clients discover that change is the only option. “I’ve always been this way; I’m just sensitive to criticism.” You were that way as a child? You were sensitive to criticism when you first learned to walk? How sensitive to criticism would you be if you walked into a mental ward and one of the patients started criticizing you?
The nice thing about change is that you don’t have to start with large transformational change, you can build a change solution from small changes. In fact, small changes can snowball into larger and larger changes. So value minimal changes and invite your client to see that bits of change has begun. “What has changed since the last session?” If the client can’t find any, ask for specifics and tune your ears for discounting. “So things are about the same. Okay, and where there times when you could have expected that things would have gotten worse, but they did not?”
If the change seems too big and overwhelming, scale it down. Use a small, even a minor, change to develop a larger solution change. Inviting a small change, one that may even seem irrelevant, can often facilitate an entire system to shift and change. This often happens when you ask the clarity check question. You ask your client how she is using the word depression and in the process you discover it means being unhappy and when you find out that there are small little happiness’s present, the overall gestalt of depression changes.
When you do this as a Meta-Coach, you are also using systems thinking. You are essentially stepping back and gaining a larger level perspective which enables you to see change. It gives you perspective. It’s like returning to a home or town after being away for ten years— you can see lots of changes whereas someone who has been there all the time hardly notices them.
When you know that change is continuous and stability is the illusion, ask questions that assume change, expect change in your client, highlight instances of change. Then, out of change co-create solutions that will direct the change so it becomes truly a good change solution.